Fuck this shit

Breaking Up. A Rare Occasion.

I wrote this just an hour after me and my girlfriend decided that it's time for a 'break'. I don't say that it doesn't work, maybe we need time to be alone and thinking about stuff, and also it's not our first drill, it's the third times for both of us.

But still, it last only 2 months and a week, thats a record, even for me. Both of my previous relationship last for a year. Honestly it's no one fault, we both got excited too early and we can't meet each other expectations. No hurt feeling, although it hurts a lot.

Maybe it's because we are so different. Religion, race, point of views, age gap, all the cummulated shit that separates people since the dawn of time. I'm romantic,I always believe that the power of love can unify anything, especially a relationship between two grown ups. But as usual, realities hit you like a bitch right on your face, and there's nothing much we can do except to let it go.

I don't wanna, off course, I love her, I like her a lot, but sometimes there's choice and we have to choose.

I got 'dumped' by phone by the way. She's going to have a final exam and I won't bother those important thing for this matter. I'm a grown up, i can handle it, not for so long but i can handle it.

Oh man,I really like her. She's like a full package of my favorite things bundled into one nice banquet of flowers. I honestly can imagine living a future with her. Except the realities that we are so, so, so, f-ing different. 

Okay, I feel depressed now.

"not as depressed as him tho"

Ah I wish i can share a pic of us here, but since we are doing this 'backstreet' way, I guess i can't.

Wait, maybe she just can't handle this 'backstreet' things, maybe she still in love with me, maybe I still have a chance, maybe i'm just comforting myself here. 

F you Tomy, just eat shit, you immature selfish bastard.

I guess that's it. Enough for now. Maybe I'll talk about this to my boys when the sun is up in the sky. I hope the talk doesn't ended up on a bartender's table.

Wish me luck,
Tomy

So I Guess I'm Screwed

Hello there, fellas~

Some of you maybe know me as a goofy happy go lucky guy, but hey, I have some bad side too. I do respect people if they respect me first, and actually, even if I hate a person(s), I still show them my good will by give no horse shit toward them instead of confronting them openly. Trust me, you won't like my give no horse shit attitude. :P

"No, it's not about you, Yukirin."

I'm that type of guy who'll fight for his ideals and mutual benefits even if that's mean having an open argument with someone. So yeah boss, sorry for my usual arguments with you, trust me it's for the good of our company. I follow people if I found them worthy, If you have nothing to prove, so sorry, I won't follow your ideals. 

I studied film for 4 years, so many trials and errors, so many mistakes, and yet I survived.
I learned so much from many great peoples in this industry. So instead of you have a better understanding about film visuals or at least you make a film that meets my own standards, I won't follow you. End of the line.

And one thing boss, don't poke your nose on my personal life or spreading your hate towards something to me. I've had enough problems of my own.

Ups, looks like I tell you guys too much. 

Actually, it's all about my next web series project. My producer postponed it until further notice, and I hate her for that. Seriously, what kind of excuse "not enough equipment" is? I made a good film with little equipment before I know her, and it's doing fine. I even won some competition before with only one-shot movie, and yet she said I won't made it. 

Seriously? 

Some said, bosses always right and women always right, so if you have a woman boss, you basically screwed. I hope that's not right.

Enough for now,
HIPratama

Terrified

Hello again, it's popcon last week.

I write something if I feel that's necessary, and actually I hate updating this blog, because it means that I'm losing control over my life.

Have you ever felt so lost that you started to woke up in the middle of the night and feeling guilty with no reason? That's me, I found myself on the edge of my bed every night, wondering about something I don't understand, feel damn sad and angry. I don't feel like me, I meet stranger when I look into the mirror, and I feel less happy than I used to be. And guys, you know what, it's all because a girl. 

My god, your friend here, he's in love. Deeply in love.

But he's confused, it's been an eternity of happy loneliness for him over this years and he had no idea what to do next. Is she love me too? What should I do now? Am I bothering her if I showed too many affections toward her? So many questions in his head, and yet he remain silent, motionless, too afraid to do something, too afraid to lose her, too afraid of rejection.

He's afraid, I'm afraid. Help.

Happy day with my lone wolf companion.

I'm an Agnostic Theist and I Can't Help It

Yellow again Folks,

Jadi langsung ke inti masalah ya. 

I am an Agnostic Theist.

Gue bukan orang religius, never was and never will be, gue bukan orang yang taat beribadah, nein nein nein. Gue muslim, okay, tapi gue muslim karena gue lahir di keluarga muslim. Sampai sekarang gue belum berani untuk keluar dari zona itu, well, doktrin masa kecil dan mindset dari keluarga gue berhasil meyakinkan gue untuk takut mati dan nggak pindah agama, walaupun sebenarnya gue sudah mempelajari beberapa agama selain islam dan tetep aja, belum ada agama yang bikin gue nyaman dengan agama mereka, atau mungkin agama memang bukan tempat yang memberi kenyamanan bagi umat kayak gue? I don't know.

Mungkin sebenenernya pandangan religius gue lebih ke arah Budha sih, as long as you stay as good people then everything's will be good.

Tapi ngomong ngomong konsep Tuhan, gue fine fine aja lho dengan itu, I mean, there must be someone out there. The one who knows everything. Gue cuma suka nggak sejalan dengan konsep agama dan kompensasi perbuatan kita ke afterlife nanti. Buat apa ada ritual untuk menyembah-Nya? Apakah Tuhan yang maha adil tidak bisa menilai kita dari cara hidup kita? Dari apa yang kita jalani? Masa tuhan nggak bisa?

I smoke, drink alcohol, I have a bitter thoughts and dirty jokes, I'm going to sinner place called "JKT48 Theater" regularly, but I'm no evil. I treat everyone justly, being nice with people, do nothing that cause troubles, but hey, I'm going to hell with this lifestyle isn't it?

I'm going to hell, for sure, according to my religion if I'm asking too many question about 'God' and keep doing this things . But I can't help it.

Ada yang bisa bantu gue? But please, don't give me religious crap advice about this, I had enough.

Your fellow sinner, 
HIPratama

"Living Penis"

Pacar si Abang

Yellow~

Akhirnya saya mood nulis.

Yaudah intinya adalah sekarang malam minggu, terus nggak ada acara, terus tadi bangun tidur sore karena ada sedikit minor disturbance yang sebenernya konyol, hal apakah itu? SMS dari pacarnya kembaran gue, iye kalau yang belum tahu, gue kembar, nama kembaran gue Dony. Gue di SMS karena si Dony nggak ngehubungin pacarnya, padahal si Dony lagi tidur siang sama gue.

Jadi begini masalahnya, setiap ada sesuatu hal (yang menurut gue wajar, tapi mungkin para wanita menganggap hal tersebut nggak wajar) minor, seperti Dony nggak bales sms, Dony nggak bisa dihubungin, Dony tau-tau ilang pada saat smsan malam hari (ketiduran soalnya), si Ellen (pacar Dony) selalu SMS gue, dan kadang emang nggak gue bales, karena gue bosen dan bingung mau bales apa, karena tiap masalah yang sama muncul, SMS nya isinya bakal tetep sama juga. She literally never learn.

Ya Tuhanku sayang, mereka udah pacaran putus nyambung dari kelas 2 SMA sampe sekarang udah mau lulus kuliah lho padahal. 6 tahun itu, kalo merit berarti minimal anaknya udah masuk TK. Mosok perkara sepele kayak gitu masih selalu jadi alesan buat ribut? Dan yang bikin gue kesel lagi adalah, masalah yang bikin mereka berantem selama putus nyambung 6 tahun ini ya selalu hal (yang menurut gue) sepele. Masalah komunikasi. 

Mereka LDR, okay, tapi si Ellen ini posesifnya setengah hidup. Cemburuan lebih tepatnya, serta dibumbui hobi suudzon, dan menurut gue, well, contrary with  popular belief, cemburu itu BUKAN TANDA SAYANG, itu tanda kalau orang yang cemburuan itu NGGAK PERCAYA SAMA DIRINYA SENDIRI. Kalau emang kamu merasa layak dipertahankan ngapain harus cemburu? Gue salut sama Dony lho, bisa tahan, kalau gue jadi dia sih, udah gue putusin dari kapan tau, untung Dony sabar. Eh, nggak tahu sabar/sayang/sopan ding. 

Gue heran apa yang bikin mereka pacaran selama itu tapi masih sering banget meributkan hal yang kekanakan, mungkin itu yang namanya cinta. Secara pribadi gue udah nggak percaya yang namanya cinta sih, jadi mungkin memang gue orang nya yang terlalu sinis dan nggak bisa menelaah logika hubungan mereka.

Dari sudut pandang lelaki kebanyakan (gue memposisikan diri sebagai lelaki kebanyakan), hal diatas tadi sih nggak wajar lho, nggak tau deh kalau menurut Mas Anang..

Yaudah gitu aja, malam minggu masih panjang bung, mari kita....... berdelusi tentang JKT48 lagi...

Have a great saturday night,

HIPratama

"Hallo Vanka..."

PS: 

Ini gue tulis tanpa sepengetahuan pihak yang bersangkutan, jadi kalau suatu saat tulisan ini kalian (Dony & Ellen) pergoki perlu gue kasih tau kalo gue nulis ini murni karena akumulasi kekeselan gue selama 6 tahun, jangan jadikan tulisan ini sebagai bahan pertengkaran baru kalian.

Basa Basi Dulu Asyik Syih

Howdy,

Jadi sebelumnya ini adalah blog pribadi dari tukang ngaidol part time yang denger-denger menyempatkan waktu sekali seminggu untuk membuat video youtube tentang idoling. Yap, Tomy disini~

Lah, Tomy siapa? Itu nama kecil gue, the not so legendary, Harits Indi Pratama. Tapi kalo lagi jalan di FX sih seringnya dipanggil "si itu", kalo di twitter di panggil "bang", kalau di kampus dipanggil "Harits", kalo di rumah dipanggil "Adek", tapi sering-seringnya sih kalo sama Aryo dipanggil "sianying". 

Oiya, zodiak gue Aries, golongan darah O, terus oshi saya di JKT48, alhamdulillah masih Kinal. Doain aja langgeng. Mihihihihi.

Yaudah gitu aja dulu, somehow, in the mean time, blog ini bakal diisi bermacam hal, entah apa, pokoknya macem-macem deh, tapi ya paling isinya curhat gitu. 

Pret

Okey, see you soon~

Best Regard,

HIPratama